You would think that the Right to be Happy is such an obvious human right, but it’s not. I think it’s harder to be happy than unhappy and miserable. Like right now I’m feeling quite miserable that my darling, sweet hubbie is running on the treadmill at 6pm which is exactly when the kids have to be put to bed. I’m too pooped to do it myself. And so I find myself swearing inwardly and okay a little bit outwardly as well. (I did hear today that research says that people who swear have lower chronic diseases – you have to let your anger out somewhere.) And I’m sitting at a crossroads of choice. I can lie on the couch and write my blog with a rock in my stomach or I can choose to take deep breaths and let go of the fact that the kids aren’t in bed and leave the chaos to my husband when he stops walking.
I’m choosing to do the latter – at least trying. It’s so much easier to hold onto the resentment and anger. Let’s just say that it’s my comfort zone. I’ve been reading a book by Gay Hendricks called ‘The Big Leap’. And it describes how we all have a glass ceiling of happiness that we’re comfortable in. If we go beyond that comfort zone we self sabotage so that we can go back into that oh so cushy zone. So for example if you go on a date and are having a wonderful time you may begin an argument with your partner, because it’s all too good and you’re not coping with all the positivity, and can return to your comfort zone.
Sound crazy? I agree but we all do it. Why do you think powerful men ruin their careers and families with criminal acts and sordid affairs. Here are ways we self sabotage:
A case in point is my birthday. I had a lovely birthday day planned by my darling, sweet husband (you see he really is darling and sweet) and my two very amazing sister in laws. Unbelievably I woke up Friday morning with a headache. I always wake up fresh but here was my self sabotaging in action and as I think back to all my birthdays I’ve realised that I’m always sick on my birthday. Usually with the flu.
So what did I do? Because I had read this book I realised what was happening. (Although I really couldn’t believe it was really happening.) I began to extend my glass ceiling slowly but surely by saying affirmations. ‘I am loved’ ‘I deserve and accept the best of everything’ ‘All is well in my world’. If you’re cringing maybe it’s because like me you don’t believe you deserve these things. But you do and I do. And my headache went away and my sore throat and I had the best birthday ever.
Hocus pocus – no. Our thoughts create our reality. Our mind frame attracts our reality and to be quite honest I’ve had enough of my miserable issues. Not that I’ve thought them away yet. But my birthday was a perfect opportunity to shoot up my glass ceiling and change my set point of happiness to ‘I deserve to be happy’. And the funny thing is as soon as I say that I also realise that everyone deserves to be happy.
And another thing I’ve realised is that I’m in charge of my own happiness. No one can raise my glass ceiling for me. I can only learn to receive and create happiness for myself. And it’s not dependent on external factors. Such as publishing a book, or receiving presents, being a size 10 or taming my curls. (Although I welcome all of that of course.) It’s all about my capacity to feel love and happiness. How much I allow myself to savour positive experiences and bank them as part of my deserving, sacred self.
From a sunset, to white clouds moving in the blue sky, to reading a book with the Princes, and of course a nice cup of tea. Having a chat with a friend. Gracious just having friends. It’s all such a blessing. And I spent so much of my twenties agonising over what I didn’t have, what I wasn’t, that I didn’t see what I did have and who I really was. I didn’t appreciate the simple joys, my good points, and all the love that has surrounded me the whole time.
Which isn’t a bad thing. To be humbled is to face reality and thank God my reality is blessed and good. And even admitting that makes me feel rather anxious. But it’s true. And we all have blessed lives, with challenges of course. But the blessing is there if we choose to see it – if we raise our glass ceilings high enough. If we sky-rocket through and just break them like Mr Wonka’s glass elevator, then we can truly reach the moon and more. Because it’s with that big, wide, light feeling of self love that we can really walk our own path of freedom.
And I sincerely want to thank everyone who’s accompanied me on that journey! And I’ll keep asking myself that question when I have critical thoughts, start worrying, begin arguing on date night or get sick, ‘What positive experience am I trying to block?’
Do the same and see how much happier your life will be. I’ve had such a good week just savouring the good things, and even now my sweet, darling hubbie has put the Princes to sleep. All is quiet, all is well, and my feet are up.