Mommy Martyrs – This is especially for Hadassa!
Somehow I used to think being a Mommy Martyr was a good thing. So I began 7 years ago with my first Prince. So thumbs up for full time breastfeeding. (Which I do believe in if you can.) Forget about if I needed the loo, a shower, or maybe to get out of PJ’s before 2pm. Forget about eating a square meal. I survived on rivers of chocolate. (No wonder he loved breast feeding so much and wouldn’t give it up easy.) And to do something I enjoy to take care of myself like a yoga class – get out of here. I was married to the image of ‘perfect mother’ where pushing myself the extra mile just in case this bundle’s needs wouldn’t be met for a crying second.
By the time the second time came around I fell apart of course as any fantasy that’s not based in reality explodes into glittering crystals of false hopes and dreams. By the third time around I was firmly based in reality and going mad with lifts and the balancing of three very real people (more on that another times) I realized that something has to give, and it wasn’t going to be me. Because EUREKA I have needs and that’s okay, in fact more than okay…NORMAL!
I was asked last year, ‘Sarah what are your needs?’ I had to stop in my tracks dumbfounded. Needs? I don’t have any needs do I? This opened Pandora’s box of needs, wishes and dreams that I had. I realized that I wasn’t just a mom. I was and wanted to be much more than that. I wanted to be kind to myself and not crucify myself for my children and be left with my crunchy bones as they cheerily wave goodbye to me as they leave my house for their well deserved lives.
But the quandary is that being a mother is a BIG job and does require being present for you children and giving A LOT. I know most mothers manage it (or is that another fantasy I harbour let me know!) Work, home, selves. But I found it difficult and to be honest it’s still my challenge.
The way to begin the journey from mommy martyrdom to true self (which includes being a mum but it’s not everything) is small kindnesses and big if need be. Kindnesses as simple as commiting to a yoga class once a week, having a coffee by yourself if your early to pick up the kids rather than spending that time waiting in the parking lot. Asking for help when you need it (I know that’s a big one, for me at least, and it’s a whole nother blog.) Creating a sisterhood that supports you and understands you in a way that sometimes family and even husbands can’t (another blog yes.) Being as nurturing to yourself as you are to your children.
Baby steps for that big step forward to self. We are a new generations of moms and we can break the pattern which many of our moms had of martyrdom, or resentment or not being their whole selves. A big commitment and journey – Yes, but it’s worth every step of the way.
Lots to think about for Yom Kippur – a new year of kindness to self it sounds like something God will want as well.
Here’s the Recipe I promised. I’m afraid of being like Julia Powell doing recipes. But hey we’re Jewish women we like to cook and I suspect eat more than even that. So enjoy!!! It’s from my friend Naami she typed it out. Big thank you to her.
I’m assuming you might never have encountered some of these ingredients before, so i’m adding comments on where you can buy them. Enjoy!

2 cups All purpose gluten-free baking flour (health shop)

2 tsp baking powder

2 tsp baking soda

t tsp Xanthan gum (baking section in p&p, spar, or health shop)

1 tsp salt

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 cup Coconut oil (health shop. this oil is solid at room temp. so put the oil jar into a bowl of hot water and it will melt easily. Or you can substitute with avocado oil, which may effect texture slightly)

2/3 cup Agave necter (p&p norwood, or health shop)

2/3 cup rice milk (woolies)

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

6 medium bananas, mashed

1 slab of Lindt dark chocolate, run through food processor until it’s little choc bits. (this is not in the original recipe, as it has sugar in it. but i added it for the fun and it makes it SO yummy!!)
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Combine all dry and wet ingredients, fold in bananas and choc bits at the end.

bake on 325F for about 30 min, depending on oven. Use loaf pans or bundt shape pan.

bon apetitte!!