Okay I really should be eating, quickly ramming food into my face except I have a theory that I’m going to be hungry anyway so a few minutes not eating before a fast won’t hurt me (too much I’ll just be hungrier earlier than later oh well!) So before Yom Kippur there are lots of recollections and one of mine especially after having a lovely coffee with my friend Lexi (More on mommy’s and coffees another blog), is about feeling sometimes resentful, regretful and quite frustrated about my children. Feeling if only I had them later or if only I had gone to yoga, ate well when i was pregnant…well I could go on and on and on couldn’t I. The if onlys, the I wish it was’s that we live with carry within us and they weigh heavily consciously or unconsciously and imprison us so we can’t see what we actually do have. Well that’s my story. I was told the if onlys are useless, they’re a fantasy, they don’t exist. You only have one reality and that is the now. The now of this very breath I breathe as I type on this jumping screen (why it’s jumping I have no idea.) The now of going into Yom Kippur and saying I am as I am right now and I will be the best mother, wife and person in this moment until the next moment and in that moment until the next. Breath by breath I’ll connect to gratitude for all I have instead of focusing of what could of been. Instead of lack I choose blessing, and connect to the vast unknown of our Creator.

Okay I’m getting a bit esoteric. It’s a last minute rush and I’ve figured out why the computer is jumping. It’s because I shouldn’t be here the last hour before the holiest day of the year blogging. Oh well I couldn’t resist. Onto the next moment then…