I’m beginning this blog ironically or maybe appropriately with admin. There are those of us who don’t go on the internet to look at blogs (I am one of them). It’s much easier to receive them via email. You can receive this blog via email if you press the subscribe button on the side of the blog – just scroll down. That way you don’t have to make too much effort. (If you choose to make the effort of browsing the internet for this blog – well I’m very flattered.)
Now for the real blog…
I should not be writing this now. I should be in bed reading a book or sleeping. After 9:30pm I become what is euphemistically called in our house a ‘pumpkin’. The princess is gone and the growly, grizzly bear is out. I’ve always been like that I can’t even blame motherhood. This can be somewhat of a problem because the nights are the times that I have to spend with my hubbie and the best of me is not present being a morning person and all.
To be honest when it comes to practical matters and duties I pumpkin out at about 6pm. Don’t mention bills or problems that involve any sort of phone calls or administration unless you want your head bitten off. Who suffers? My husband of course.
The problem is that the nights are the times we are together and the most reasonable time to go through things that need to be attended to. Life as I’m learning is administrative. ‘Attend, attend, attend’ is my father in law’s motto and as much as I don’t like it, it’s a good one. I used to believe that it all just happened. Very fairytaleish, even yes childish. Magical thinking at its best. I’ve quickly learnt that an account not paid won’t magically go away. A messy drawer will not miraculously self clean. (Anybody have a number for the shoemaker’s elves?)
I would do anything for a personal PA, sometimes I think every wife should have a wife. I wouldn’t mind one. Without the nagging of course, and the moods I suppose. But I really don’t think I’m that bad. (Don’t ask my hubbie he’d definitely disagree.) But I don’t have one and I do have to address the practical. (I will note here that I am blessed to be in South Africa where wonderful help is available and I am forever grateful at this point in my life not to have to do the washing and wonder how much Stay Soft to use.)
So my patient, ever enduring husband and I have found a middle way. LUNCHTIME. Where we can meet and make decisions without me having a melt down. (I know I’m sounding very two-year oldish here. I suppose we all have the different ages in us and different situations at different times bring them out. My toddler time is in the evenings I suppose.) We call it our business lunch and we sort through things like finances, kids behaviour, forms of discipline and practical stuff that needs to be addressed. It can even be fun things like planning weekends away and family holidays. The advantage always is that I’m fresh and happy in full midday bloom and it’s fun to see each other out of context.
Forgetting about all the practical aspects which we address in a business lunch. I really recommend meeting your loved one in the middle of the day. And do fun things if you can. Have a picnic. Go to an art gallery. Go for coffee in some cool cafe. Dating in the day is just so different and takes us out of our mundane, day to dayness that we can get so stuck in. And no I don’t think I’m fantasising here I think it’s possible for everyone with a bit of effort and imagination. Maybe not every week but at least once a month.
We get so used to being ‘responsible adults’ that we forget the fact that now we’re the adults we make our own rules. Just as we dreamed of when we were kids. Otherwise whats the point of growing up and having all the responsibilities. With responsibility comes privilege. Begin accessing them…even if it begins with a business lunch. See where you can take it from there. Your imagination is the limit.
Here’s one place which is very underused in Johannesburg (although now that I’m advertising it I hope it doesn’t become over crowded.) Melrose Arch Hotel pool area – you can go for coffee or a meal (See picture below. They even let you bring your own food. I went for a friend’s birthday this week and it was a fabulous girls get together with our toes in the pool sipping cappuccinos and eating scones with cream and strawberry jam, and cheesecake. Heaven!) So go try it. Take off your shoes, refresh your feet, yourself and your relationship. There are many more places in Johannesburg. Please feel free to comment and share some of your favourite spots. We all need new ideas.