Archives for the month of: August, 2011

I’m mad to be writing now. Mad after a weekend of late nights, going to Limmud conference in Cape town and being on my own, own. Standing on my own two feet with no husband or royal princes to hide behind.

I can’t help writing now. Even though it’s 11pm (past that now) even though my eyes are scratchy and my throat sore and tight. I am zizzing with the need to say ‘Life’s not easy.’ It’s not easy, it’s not easy, it’s not easy. And it’s not meant to be. This has been this years clarity for me.

I know it seem so obvious but until you feel it as a real true fact in your bones, you don’t really believe it. At least I didn’t. And when I didn’t believe it I went into blame, shame, jealousy, ‘life is so unfair’ mentality, attitude, victimhood.

Not pretty. But that’s what happens when a person thinks that life is meant to be a fairytale. Just like we’re taught when we were little princesses. One day we’d get married to a handsome prince, who would save us from whatever miserable existence we were living (or hopefully not so miserable) and we would ride into the champagne pink sunset and live ‘happily ever after’. Feels so marshmellow mushy doesn’t it.

But marshmallows are meant to be eaten. So please eat that fantasy!!!! I ate mine at my 30th birthday. Burnt it on the spit and said a blessing. (Metaphorically of course. Although maybe it should  become a ritual. Physical ritual definitely helps mark and process spiritual/emotional transformation.)

It’s a hard thing to face the fantasies we’re married to. Especially when they sit in our hearts and minds unconsciously. A conversation tonight at a very, very, very dear, fabulous friend’s birthday party brought this up. It was about…

Facebook – Do you post the good things in your life? What if people are jealous? Naturally people who don’t have what you have will feel that.

This is a very, very real question and it’s one that should be thought out.

  • Facebook can be a fantasy

One can go onto facebook and just see the photos of all these smiling kids of their friends or acquaintances. See the loving birthday messages. The trips taken. The degrees achieved. Awesome jobs accomplished – and feel jealous, terrible about their lives and every ugly, fugly feeling. (I love the word fugly. I’ve been told it’s rude but I’ve also read on the net that it stands for freaking ugly. So don’t think of it in the rude way… oh oh actually just looked it up. Americans really use it the rude way which is such a shame because it sounds so nice and ugly.)

The question then is should we be posting our good, happy news on Facebook? Now this is a huge debate and I can only give my perspective. Which is – what would the world look like if we all walked around too scared to share the good things in our lives, our beautiful families that we work so hard to bring up, our fabulous jobs that we again worked so hard for. All our magnificent achievements, or special moments. All because of the people that don’t feel good about their lives. It means we’re validating negativity. We’re saying ‘you know what – noone should feel good.’ When really we want a society where everyone has beautiful moments. Because if we give in to negative energy because of ‘fear’ then exactly what we fear is what we create, a scared, jealous, unhappy world where everyone is always looking at what they don’t have instead of what they do.

I don’t know if I’m expressing this correctly. All I know is that we do feel scared to shine, and be happy. That’s why we often consciously or unconsciously self sabotage our lives. Keep ourselves small, in old patterns and negative beliefs. Not to say that we should all walk around with crazed, spiritual smiles. Rather we need to be balanced. Life isn’t easy. Give me one person who has an easy life. We may look to movie stars, Oprah, royalty, TV personalities as having easy lives. They don’t. In fact the more successful you are in your life the more responsibility you have and the harder you have to work. But you enjoy it, it’s your passion so it’s not like work and you’re richly rewarded in every way. But day to day is work. It’s a fact. There aint no happily ever after…unless you work for it on every level. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.

So when people put their things on Facebook they’re spreading happiness, and when we’re happy for them we increase our own happiness. Our own positivity. And sometimes yes I’m jealous on Facebook of someone who gets to do things I secretly would love to do. (Like go to India, do my dream job etc. etc. etc.) But you know what, I stop myself and say, ‘Yay’ to them, for them. And it’s a hard thing to ever admit our dark sides, but I was once told jealousy can be used to point you in the direction to things you want. So if I see a person has achieved a certain thing and I’m jealous it just means that I feel a lack, which indicates a space to grow. So that green monster can be transformed into something useful,  a cuddly smurf of positive action.

I want to again emphasise that it is hard to admit my shadow self. That I ever see lack in myself and my life. I don’t like that side of myself at all. It’s much easier to go into victimhood, and not own it. But it doesn’t help anything and strengthens unhealthy, old patterns. Which admittedly are very hard to break.

It’s soul work.

Oh well! It has to be done some time. Better now then later is my motto. I’m terrified of being a 50 year old women with flowing white hair wondering, Where did my life go?’ (Which is probably why I have my annual or even biannual existential crises.)

So next time we look at people and think, ‘They have it so easy.’ Remember it’s a myth, a fantasy. We don’t know anyones pain. We all walk around with smiles. Some smiles are there to hide the pain. Others are there despite the pain. It’s the ones that smile because they focus on the joy of life no matter what, which have transcended into a realm of being which is magical. Maybe that’s where the ‘happily ever after’ exists after all.

I want to add. If you like this blog post pass the link on. Share it with your Facebook friends. And let’s all create a world where we can all shine brightly. As Nelson Mandela said in his Presidential inauguration speech in 1994. (If I keep repeating this quote it’s because I can’t get enough of it.)

‘It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves – Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to tdo the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’

Don’t you just love it!!! There’s nothing left to write after that… 🙂

This weekend we went away to the Vaal for a Limmud weekend. It was a lovely weekend away, lovely weather, lovely inspiring talks by people I would not usually be exposed to. And I learnt so much!!!! The only downer is that Prince No. 3 was ill and that kind of killed the momentum of being a seeker of knowledge and experience. I became a harried, sleep deprived, eyes popping out with worry mum. (Back to reality!) I did manage to slip out to hear Rabbi Simon Jacobson’s talk on ‘Towards a Meaningful Life’. (Prince No. 3 was sleeping with a babysitter – thank God for babysitting facilities.) In the session my brain went PING PING PING with recognition and it’s something I’m going to share here because we all need it. Us, our children, the whole world needs this.

So what is it? It’s to have a mission. So simple and yet not so easy. We all know it but how many of us do it? As Jacobson said (and he’s such a nice guy you just want to call him Simon, which in itself says a lot about him) ‘How many of us wake up with a bounce, excited about the new day?’ I know my three year old does. But the rest of us….. I slept in just this morning, and that’s after a whole weekend of zizzing inspiration.

Here’s another question Jacobson posed – Do you matter? Are you indispensable? All of us nod our heads and say, ‘Yes of course.’ But do we live that way? Are we careful with everything we do and say because we know we count?

Lots of questions, but as he said, ‘The question of a wise person is half the answer.’

So in order to begin finding your mission in this world we need to begin at the beginning. Who are you?

When I’m asked this question I’m likely to answer ‘I don’t know I’m still figuring that one out.’ Which is at least honest and open. Jacobson says that a lot of us define ourselves by what we do. We are our business cards. (Shall we begin business cards for mothers? We could call ourselves, Future Builders, Child Insurance Brokers, Future Investors – any other ideas bring it on!) The point is that we need to generate our own identities. If our identity is based on external entities, be it parents, society, money, jobs – what happens when it all goes vamoosh into the ether? Do you also disappear?

What happens if you weren’t given any chances in life. If you were seriously abused as a child and had a miserable past – Who are you – are you your abuse? And this is where we turn back to basics, back to where we really come from, before we were even born. Which is part of God, the divine, a higher power than us. So we can go beyond circumstance. It is Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

The fact that we are born means that we matter. We don’t ask to be born but we are born (as Rabbi Nathan Lopez Cordoza pointed out in a different context). Why? Because God wanted us to be born. Because we matter, because we can make a difference. And this applies to all of us. Every single one of us. We are created in the image of God. And it occurred to me (whilst I was jumping on the trampoline today with my three year old) that just as we declare that God is one, that we too are one. There is only one of each of us. One thumb print unique to all of us.

I try and explain that to my Princes. I tell them, ‘You are my best, most favourite Prince No. 1, 2 and 3.‘ I want them to realise that each of them are so different and unique that in and of themselves they are my favourite. It’s taking time though. Maybe because they’re boys and highly competitive.

If each of us believed, ‘I am unique and special, a Divine Expression of life’, would we not act differently? Would we not explore our mission and impact more keenly?

It’s a divine service to connect to the fact that we’re all created in God’s image. Why else would it be at the beginning of the Torah? ‘God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.’ (Genesis 1:27).

My question is, why do we know this but don’t feel it???? Because as I’m discovering more and more, knowing something doesn’t mean you feel it or do it. (It’s like the kabbalistic teachings of chachma – wisdom of the brain, Bina – wisdom of the heart and then the highest level Das – understanding. We need to get to that Das – understanding. This is the highest level of integrated knowing, which includes action.)

Back to Rabbi Simon Jacobson. He says that we need three axioms.

  1. Each of us has a mission
  2. Each of us is indispensable. We are defined by our divinity more than anything else.
  3. Each of us needs tools to find our mission.

So let’s focus on these tools.

One of my favourite descriptions that he gave in his talk was the following. Michelangelo said, ‘I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.’ Michelangelo recognised that he was a channel for divinity. That’s what we all are. We are all like blocks of stone with an angel trapped inside. And so are our children. Our job is to set the angel free.

Jacobson said, ‘The mission of every soul is to refine and spiritualise a corner of their life.’

‘So if we are channels bringing energy into this world we need to figure out what that channel is going to be in our life. Use the gifts we were given. Do something not ‘you centered’ but ‘God centered’. IE. Not just to serve ourselves but to channel something greater than ourselves.’ (This is Jacobson speaking not me. Wish it was me…)

So here’s Jacobson’s formula for how to find your mission so that you can be the above in this world.

P ersonality

O ppurtunities

P eople

P laces

POPP!!!

I would add you need to ‘snap’ out of your limited paradigm of self, ‘crackle’ into your own connection and Popp!!! (okay I couldn’t resist that don’t shut down the computer.)

Personality – Ask yourself what’s your unique personality. We are all different. Some of us are emotionally astute, intuitive, logical, organised, cerebral etc. etc. etc. I am, for example, highly creative, love writing, philosophy, self help books ie. personal growth and love having fun (if that counts – I’m sure it does). I am not so good at organisation especially those small practical things that take time. I don’t like schedule (but boy do I need one and so I do try and stick to one) and I loath administration. Those are my weaknesses. The trick is to focus on the strengths and compensate for the weaknesses. (I am in real need of partners for some of my ideas who are highly practical! Anyone????)

Jacobson asks, ‘What do you understand about your personality?’ We can’t all know our whole selves so it’s worth running it by a friend who can help spot you.

‘Your unique personality is a signpost for what your mission is.’ It’s very sad when your best qualities are not being used. (Hence I need to hire someone to do all my admin – at the moment I have no toilet paper at home. No kidding. Yes I know Pick n’ Pay on line…)

Opportunities – What you are given in terms of opportunities is all part of fulfilling your mission. See what you’ve been able to do and I would suggest writing a time line of opportunities you have had and do have.

People – The people you know are an excellent resource for helping you in your mission. Look at who they are and see who you relate to.

Places – You’re in the place you are for a reason. Use wherever you are as part of your mission.

Jacobson says if you assess these four things in your life a picture will emerge as to why these four things are part of your life and what your mission may be.

Notably this is not an overnight process. It will take time, thought and searching, moreover doing! But it’s worth exploring. In fact Jacobson says we should have ‘mission’ classes in schools. And I agree with that. Instead of life orientation we should have ‘what is your mission?’ classes where the teachers help our children assess themselves and start chipping away at themselves so their inner angels, purpose can emerge, be encouraged and nurtured. So that they don’t spend their 20’s searching for it, if not their whole lives.

Just to end. Jacobson says, ‘The greatest challenge to a young person is boredom.’ Why? Because when you have a vacuum inside you, you end up filling it with unhealthy things. Drugs, food, TV, pills, depression, over exercising (I love knowing that over exercising is unhealthy), all our lovely, addictive behaviours.

So we need to find our individual missions and have that as our foundation. Jacobson began his talk with saying that without the foundation of knowing ourselves as individuals with a mission, how can we build solid lives?

It’s our work, and it’s the work to teach our children.

And I assure you ADHD behaviour would also diminish if we gave these kids a purpose. Their purpose. It’s our birth right after all as we are all created in the image of God.

Thank you to everyone for your beautiful comments, on Facebook on the blog and face to face!!! I never realised what a big topic ADHD is. I also never realised how big the dissatisfaction with the school system is. In fact I think my imaginary school is full of applicants already. (Anyone out there with strong admin skills – there is a big NICHE for a very different kind of school that caters for children’s individuality and creativity. I’ll help with ideas and structure. My cousin tells me, that there’s a school in LA that exists exactly like the one I described. The parents co teach. One of the teachers is an actress from Blossom – if anyone has watched it. I haven’t. She teaches science. So there are solutions!)

I would have liked to write this earlier but I’ve been off line. My house has been hit by the scourge of Cell C disconnection. But life continues and my journey into ADHD has as well.

So here are some steps I’ve taken since the ‘meeting’.

I went to a nutritionist to find out if it’s what my Princes are eating which is causing the lack of concentration and impulsivity. She very briefly went through what he was eating and then she said a couple of interesting points about emotional causes for ADHD behaviour.

  1. Moving School – can be a factor in ADHD behavior manifesting. My Prince did move schools in Grade 0 and that was when he did begin acting ‘angry’. I don’t think it’s a major factor anymore, but I found that point interesting so I thought I’d share it.
  2. Relationship with Dad – My nutritionist said that often ADHD behavior manifests because the child is craving recognition from their father. For the first seven years a boy needs his father (I’m sure a girl does as well). The father needs to get inside the child, i.e.. understand the child, rather than keep the child at a distance.

 

So the solution here is QUALITY TIME and AFFIRMATION. So here’s what we’ve been doing.

Affirmation: I’ve been saying things to Prince No. 1 like, ‘Wow you score goals just like Daddy.’ (When he plays soccer.)

‘You’re so strong like Daddy.’ (When he’s doing something which demonstrates strength obviously. It has to be real. Kids can see straight through us when we’re lying. They can smell the condensation a mile away.)

I would have thought it’s not good to compare him to his father. But apparently their dad is their role model and they feel like ‘little men’ when they’re validated in that way. And so I tried it out and Prince No. 1 loves it. I can see his little chest puff out with importance. So there you go I never knew little boys want to be just like their Dads.

Other things I’m saying is ‘I’m so proud of you.’ ‘I’m so proud that you’re my oldest.’ ‘I’m so blessed to have you.’ and Dad says things like, ‘I’m so proud of you and glad that you’re my son.’ ‘Thank God we have you.’

Affirmation, Affirmation, Affirmation!!! I wouldn’t mind being affirmed that way myself to be honest. It definitely gets to the core.

Quality Time: Mary Anne the nutritionist also spoke about how important it is for Prince No. 1 to spend time with his Dad. So we’ve started with bed time ritual. Where my hubby reads to him in bed (although it ends up being in the lounge because the Princes all share a room [not because he doesn’t have his own room but because they all want to be together. The more the merrier and more mischievous I suppose.]) So he lies in the crook of Dad’s arm and they lie together reading Danny The Champion by Roald Dahl. (It’s all about a Dad and a son so they’re both loving it.) Those fifteen, twenty minutes of sacred time means the world to Prince No. 1.

Apparently this special time before bed induces an Alpha state of relaxation. (I’m not quite sure what it means but the point is a hypnotic state is reached, especially with the calm lull of Dad’s voice.) This creates vibrations of safety and calm. Apparently a psychologist in the States even called it the God code. Goes to show how powerful a parent’s voice is to the child.

Now the quality time needs to increase to half day outings, day outings and cool boy weekends away. Camping, fishing etc. Only my hubby isn’t the outdoorsy type… but he’ll figure it out. So that’s next on the list of quality times to schedule in. For now they’re going out for special Nando suppers every once in a while.

NB> Of course this special time shouldn’t be done in front of the other kids so that there’s jealousy and thereby creates other issues. Compliments, quality time do it at the right moments, without too much fuss.

Positive Behaviour – Now a major thing I learnt on my big extroverted search for ADHD behavior solutions (which means I spoke to absolutely everyone I saw about this topic) was from friends of mine who have an Autistic son. They emphasised the importance of taught behaviour. (I’m sure there’s a proper scientific term for it.) Basically it is focusing on the positive behaviour and ignoring negative behaviour.

When you focus on negative behaviour you are reemphasising it. The child is getting attention and even though it’s negative, at least they’re getting attention, which is all they want. So through ignoring negative behaviour you’re not feeding that need, so eventually they see it doesn’t work. If you then focus on the positive behaviours like speaking politely, taking turns, helping out, being kind, then they learn that it is those behaviours that bring them attention.

I remember reading that toddlers 90% of the time are doing the right thing and 10% of the time the wrong. But what do we focus on that 10%. So what do we create???

It’s a life lesson this focusing on the positive. If we did it for our children’s behaviour, for our lives how  much rosier would our days be. How much more fulfilled would we be?

So I’ve been focusing on my Prince’s good points. I’m ignoring when he’s out of line and pouncing on when he speaks nicely, when he’s sweet and kind and goes beyond his fears. (The other day he dug a hole for a dead Guinea fowl we found in the garden, and we buried it. I was so proud of him and told him so. Because at first he wanted nothing to do with the dead bird, but then when he saw me go ahead with it anyway, he joined the party and sweated whilst digging that burial hole. I didn’t make a fuss of his negative attitude that he had at the beginning but boy did I praise him for facing his fear and helping to give a dead bird a decent ending. You should have seen his glowing face.)

Another thing my friends told me is to raise the motivation factor for good behaviour. So we’ve instituted a system that if he does well at school then he gets to play his PSP ( 21st century equivalent of Game Boy) for 15 minutes before bed. The teachers write in his homework book how he’s done so that we know what’s going on and he knows we know what’s going on. So far this is working. It’s been one day though…

Additional ADHD Points: ADHD behavior kids are sensitive and intuitive, bright and creative. They are especially special and this is what we need to draw out. It’s not the parents fault necessarily. (as my cousin pointed out to me so kindly. I have the best cousins in the world who’ve gone through all this already. I’m so lucky. Thank you Sharon and Daniella for your lovely, supportive messages.) So it’s no use beating yourself up.

My conclusion is that the school system doesn’t cater very well for kids who don’t fit in the box, but there are solutions, especially when you have wonderful teachers who are happy to explore those alternatives. (Thank God Prince No. 1 has fantastic teachers who think out of the box.) I’d love an ADHD school it’s really captured my imagination. (Anyone who opens one will make a bomb and be doing the world a great service.)

Meanwhile we’re exploring emotional reasons for the behaviour. We haven’t assessed him yet so there’s no label. But we are going to a Dr who specialises in this kind of thing and can assist us further.

For all you mums and dads out there who have faced difficulties with your children, it’s such a journey. Parenting is not for sissies, and it’s definitely true that the bigger the child the bigger the issues. On the upside there’s support and the more we speak about these issues the more we can come together to create workable solutions. And yes that better future that I so believe in. I hope that what I’m discovering helps anyone else struggling out there!

The moment has arrived. The dreaded acronym has reared its head – ADHD or ADD, call it what you like. Attention deficit disorder + the hyper is what it boils down to. I feel full of dread. Full of remorse and full of how did I get it so wrong? All the wrong responses I know.

I am a statistic. I know that too. I know so many people with ADHD kids, on meds or not. All have battled, are battling. Why should I be any different? The stats for ADHD are big, the stats for kids on ritalin is huge. And I’ve nothing against the medication perse, except that it doesn’t feel right… Our kids are born perfect. So beautiful, sweet and innocent. As babies they hold all the light and love that we want for ourselves, and then they grow up and we medicate them so that they don’t disturb the class.

Of course it’s more than just disturbing the class. I had a meeting with my hubbie and the teachers and the principle at the school today. My Prince cannot keep still, is impulsive, shouts out and big hideous shiver (and laugh) burps out loud. (I hate when he does that. I couldn’t help but giggle) but he’s bright and clever and sweet and he needs to be helped so that his self esteem doesn’t plummet further.

I’m afraid to say I left the meeting in tears. And it wasn’t because the teachers were horrid. They weren’t, they were lovely. It just felt like a dead end situation. Because the system is rigged. School is structured, it’s an overwhelming schedule and if you can’t deal with it as a child you need to either go to a remedial school or go on medication. I’ve done the remedial school route and it is a brilliant route if that’s what your child needs. My Prince No. 2 is thriving in remedial but that’s another blog.

If I was sent as a student to school today I don’t think I would cope. Sitting at a desk, not being able to choose what I learn, having no creative outlet for my own personal, individual curiosity – I wouldn’t fare well. And the truth is I didn’t fare very well at school. I never felt understood. I never felt stimulated. I felt like we were treated like idiots.

Funnily enough I did well for Matric/HSC in grade 11 and 12. When I was responsible for my own studies I flew beyond my and everyone elses expectations. And University was a pleasant breeze.

So what am I doing to my kids? It’s sad to think of kids surviving school instead of enjoying school. Surviving childhood instead of exploring and finding themselves. Being defined by marks, instead of what they can create. Who they are.

They need responsibilities, a sense of purpose, a sense of importance. We all need that.

I know I’m meant to be doing this for them at home. And I’m certainly trying. But trying is not enough. It’s so hard being a mum and a person. I have so many of my own issues. I’m meant to help my kids have a foundation of confidence, self importance and responsibility when I’m struggling with my own. No one told me I should sort myself out before I had kids.

Instead I was brainwashed to believe that was my sole purpose and value (that is so another blog). I now know that it’s not a good idea to bring up a generation of girls to have kids in their early twenties before they’ve cemented their sense of self.

So I’ve spent my twenties having kids and it looks like my thirties will be spent running from doctor to therapist, doing damage control for my twenties. And probably by my forties I’ll be pulling out my hair because they’re teenagers. There must be a better solution.

On the upside. I still believe I’ve grown tremendously through my kids. I know that this has been a face smack face to deal with reality. Last night I listened to a talk by Rabbi Goldfein about blessing the good and the bad. Bless the bad, the unpleasant, the things that make us cry. Because how many times does something bad turn out to be for the best.

So I’m going to bless this situation. Bless the teachers who have to deal with so many kids who can’t focus through the school day. Bless my little Prince who needs to learn to focus or be in a system that supports high, high energy. (There is an ADHD school in Jerusalem apparently.) Bless all the mothers out there, all the tears that have been shed as they’ve had to face the acronym I had to face today ADHD.

I’d like to just add that the meeting came as no surprise. We’ve had an inkling since grade 0 that this was not the run of the mill child. We damage controlled through play therapy and reward systems for as long as we could…

I have had an idea which has been playing at the back of my mind and I’m going to share it here just for the fun of it. Just for the smiles, just for the journey into the imagination where things can be different, especially if we had the guts to do what we’d really love to do.

So what I’d love to do is get together with a bunch of creative, intelligent parents and put together a homeschooling program. Wait let’s not even call it school. Let’s call it something like a Place for Passionate Curiosity. (I heard a talk about how Einstein – who didn’t do well at school – said that what he had that made him different to everyone else was ‘passionate curiosity’. That’s what I want for my kids!) We decide which subjects we’ll cover and we divide the week between us. So instead of going from hour to hour with a different subject you might have English all monday morning, where you play with letters, write in the sand, just have fun with English (in a structured way of course) and then for lunch the kids make their own lunches in the kitchen (imagine no packing lunch for school anymore). The next day is science – they learn about some cool concept and go and do it. Like the science experiments I’m doing with the Princes. And you can include English there as they read the instructions. There would only be a few kids, maybe six or eight maximum and they’d have an individual relationship with whoever the teacher was. (Apparently that’s one of the most important ways kids learn through personal relationship.) They could do reading with an old age home. I read that there was this school experiment done where the kids went to the old age home and they read to the old people. The literacy went up and so did the mortality rate at the home. Isn’t that beautiful. Just some ideas. If I really put pen to paper. I’m sure I could come up with a tremendous system where the kids won’t want to stop learning and neither will the teachers.

Our human structures like school (which is based on the industrial revolution – cookie cutting individuals – see Sir Ken Robinson) don’t necessarily work. So why can’t we change it? I’m too lazy for one. No that’s not true. It’s intimidating facing the establishment and saying, ‘It’s not working let’s try something new.’

Well at least I have ideas. If I were to create my rotational school with other parents I could teach English and Art. It would be fun. It’s an idea. The best innovations begin with ideas. And all ideas are in response to problems. We’ve got the problem that’s for sure. (Case in point I moaned in OT (I do tend to externalise my dramas don’t I!) to two other moms about ADHD – and the one said her three year old has to be assessed for concentration. The other mom said her six year old daughter is on antidepressants and has the same story!?!?!?!?)

So now what are we going to do about it? I say let’s think out of the box so we can help our children and mothers (yes don’t forget all those mothers tears and sleepless nights).

And the last thing (I promise this is the LAST thing) in the movie Defiance (a must see) the Jewish partisans before the war were rejected by normative Jewish society as being too wild. It always stuck with me, what would have happened if they hadn’t been wild, if they didn’t know how to survive the forest and use a gun? Who would have saved all the Jews that they ended up saving. The scholars, lawyers and accountants were worse than useless for survival. We need all types for all different situations. That’s life.