I’m mad to be writing now. Mad after a weekend of late nights, going to Limmud conference in Cape town and being on my own, own. Standing on my own two feet with no husband or royal princes to hide behind.

I can’t help writing now. Even though it’s 11pm (past that now) even though my eyes are scratchy and my throat sore and tight. I am zizzing with the need to say ‘Life’s not easy.’ It’s not easy, it’s not easy, it’s not easy. And it’s not meant to be. This has been this years clarity for me.

I know it seem so obvious but until you feel it as a real true fact in your bones, you don’t really believe it. At least I didn’t. And when I didn’t believe it I went into blame, shame, jealousy, ‘life is so unfair’ mentality, attitude, victimhood.

Not pretty. But that’s what happens when a person thinks that life is meant to be a fairytale. Just like we’re taught when we were little princesses. One day we’d get married to a handsome prince, who would save us from whatever miserable existence we were living (or hopefully not so miserable) and we would ride into the champagne pink sunset and live ‘happily ever after’. Feels so marshmellow mushy doesn’t it.

But marshmallows are meant to be eaten. So please eat that fantasy!!!! I ate mine at my 30th birthday. Burnt it on the spit and said a blessing. (Metaphorically of course. Although maybe it should  become a ritual. Physical ritual definitely helps mark and process spiritual/emotional transformation.)

It’s a hard thing to face the fantasies we’re married to. Especially when they sit in our hearts and minds unconsciously. A conversation tonight at a very, very, very dear, fabulous friend’s birthday party brought this up. It was about…

Facebook – Do you post the good things in your life? What if people are jealous? Naturally people who don’t have what you have will feel that.

This is a very, very real question and it’s one that should be thought out.

  • Facebook can be a fantasy

One can go onto facebook and just see the photos of all these smiling kids of their friends or acquaintances. See the loving birthday messages. The trips taken. The degrees achieved. Awesome jobs accomplished – and feel jealous, terrible about their lives and every ugly, fugly feeling. (I love the word fugly. I’ve been told it’s rude but I’ve also read on the net that it stands for freaking ugly. So don’t think of it in the rude way… oh oh actually just looked it up. Americans really use it the rude way which is such a shame because it sounds so nice and ugly.)

The question then is should we be posting our good, happy news on Facebook? Now this is a huge debate and I can only give my perspective. Which is – what would the world look like if we all walked around too scared to share the good things in our lives, our beautiful families that we work so hard to bring up, our fabulous jobs that we again worked so hard for. All our magnificent achievements, or special moments. All because of the people that don’t feel good about their lives. It means we’re validating negativity. We’re saying ‘you know what – noone should feel good.’ When really we want a society where everyone has beautiful moments. Because if we give in to negative energy because of ‘fear’ then exactly what we fear is what we create, a scared, jealous, unhappy world where everyone is always looking at what they don’t have instead of what they do.

I don’t know if I’m expressing this correctly. All I know is that we do feel scared to shine, and be happy. That’s why we often consciously or unconsciously self sabotage our lives. Keep ourselves small, in old patterns and negative beliefs. Not to say that we should all walk around with crazed, spiritual smiles. Rather we need to be balanced. Life isn’t easy. Give me one person who has an easy life. We may look to movie stars, Oprah, royalty, TV personalities as having easy lives. They don’t. In fact the more successful you are in your life the more responsibility you have and the harder you have to work. But you enjoy it, it’s your passion so it’s not like work and you’re richly rewarded in every way. But day to day is work. It’s a fact. There aint no happily ever after…unless you work for it on every level. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.

So when people put their things on Facebook they’re spreading happiness, and when we’re happy for them we increase our own happiness. Our own positivity. And sometimes yes I’m jealous on Facebook of someone who gets to do things I secretly would love to do. (Like go to India, do my dream job etc. etc. etc.) But you know what, I stop myself and say, ‘Yay’ to them, for them. And it’s a hard thing to ever admit our dark sides, but I was once told jealousy can be used to point you in the direction to things you want. So if I see a person has achieved a certain thing and I’m jealous it just means that I feel a lack, which indicates a space to grow. So that green monster can be transformed into something useful,  a cuddly smurf of positive action.

I want to again emphasise that it is hard to admit my shadow self. That I ever see lack in myself and my life. I don’t like that side of myself at all. It’s much easier to go into victimhood, and not own it. But it doesn’t help anything and strengthens unhealthy, old patterns. Which admittedly are very hard to break.

It’s soul work.

Oh well! It has to be done some time. Better now then later is my motto. I’m terrified of being a 50 year old women with flowing white hair wondering, Where did my life go?’ (Which is probably why I have my annual or even biannual existential crises.)

So next time we look at people and think, ‘They have it so easy.’ Remember it’s a myth, a fantasy. We don’t know anyones pain. We all walk around with smiles. Some smiles are there to hide the pain. Others are there despite the pain. It’s the ones that smile because they focus on the joy of life no matter what, which have transcended into a realm of being which is magical. Maybe that’s where the ‘happily ever after’ exists after all.

I want to add. If you like this blog post pass the link on. Share it with your Facebook friends. And let’s all create a world where we can all shine brightly. As Nelson Mandela said in his Presidential inauguration speech in 1994. (If I keep repeating this quote it’s because I can’t get enough of it.)

‘It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves – Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to tdo the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’

Don’t you just love it!!! There’s nothing left to write after that… 🙂